I remember the first time i found out he cheated. I remember thinking…”why me”. He led me to believe everything was cool. It was my first relationship, he was my first love. I believed if i was his, i mean his first love…he wouldn’t have cheated. So once I found out he did I concluded that he never loved me at all. After the “why me” reaction wore off, and it was a short one came anger. The “why her?!” phase began as i jumped in his face hands swinging and him trying to calm me down, trying to explain. I was embarrassed and pissed… “It was a mistake..” he began every other word that escaped his lips became vague as I continued to look through his phone. Yes he did make a mistake, cheating on me with a big mouth who pretended to be my associate, just to get with my man. Once she got what she wanted the whole neighborhood to know and I was being disrespected, which of course would be dealt with later. I wasn’t trying to hear any of his excuses. No answer he could give me could make up for the pain i was feeling. I had gave him everything and I do mean everything. He had become my best friend, my lover and yes we were young but I never though shit would end like this… I couldn’t believe he let someone in our happy home and fuck it all up…. and thats when i had to ask myself “are we happy” it escaped my lips in the middle of his sorry’s and i love you’s and he paused….
She doen’t lack confidence.
Yet fear controls her every move
And there is nothing wrong with being afraid
But it should never control you
Men are not to blame
At least not in so many words
Being let down is a routine now
Its nothing of concern
Something about the spring
The fear begins to pile
FAILURE
LOSER
HEARTBREAK
All this is capitilized in the mind
Of the woman whoo doesn’t lack confidenc
But lets fear control her every move
Coming to terms with the truth…
Its hard to move on when fear is the one thing stopping you
When I first met him I was immediately infatuated. I’m not sure what drew me to him. He was not my type. I like tall boys he was short. I like chocolate men he was light. I like bad boys he was far from bad. I don’t know what drew me to him. We were different in every way. We had nothing in common. I love R&B he only likes rap. I was the life of the party he was a homebody. I hardly talk to my mother while he is a mommas boy. Nothing in common yet I was drawn to him. I loved that he was everything I was not. I loved that he was nothing I was used to. I always liked a challenge & he was definitely that. I discovered this in getting to know him. I discovered things no other man had ever revealed to me. I even discovered things about myself. Still to this day I’m not sure what drew me to this man. But at that time I was glad I knew him. Glad that he had something about him that drew me to him.
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